All the Moments
Recently a friend came to me to ask if she could get together for coffee as her loved one has been diagnosed with an illness that will shorten their life. I told her absolutely let’s get together, but that for the moment, my piece of advice is to just live. Don’t worry about the dishes if they ask to go take a drive, don’t skip all the little every day things - spend time together and make memories. Yes, we need to do dishes eventually, but make the most of life in the moment especially those little evert day moments.
I feel Michaela and I really did try to make the most of our time together. We took time out for little adventures, time for fun and laughter even when just staying home, and taking time to just be present with each other.
However, at the end, I have some regrets for not doing that as often as I should have instead of making everything about the cancer fight. There are a few moments that stick out to me that I didn’t take time to enjoy those moments. I also at the same understand my mindset was I want you to live and doing what I was doing was going towards that goal.
Two moments that come to mind instantly - My parents came to visit and my Mom likes coca-cola. She doesn’t drink it all the time, but she had one when she came in and Michaela and I gave up soda in 2016. We were both soda addicts so it was a hard thing to give up. Anyway, Michaela was already going through treatments and was just about 4 months from dying - not that I knew that at the time. Michaela asked my Mom if she could have a sip of her coke. I scolded her as I said that would make her want the soda again. She nodded and had the sip. The look on her face from that sip of soda - I now think of it and wish she would have had the whole damn can of soda. I wish I would have encouraged her to just have the soda and enjoy it.
The other moment happened In her last week, she asked me to watch a music video with her. It was Stairway to Heaven, but sung by Heart. Michaela was a music lover. It was a shared love between us. The song - would make me have to deal with emotions of her dying, but I still was in denial that she wasn’t going to get better. I didn’t take the time to listen to that song with her. I still feel her body next to me as she asked me to listen and I didn’t. I could feel her go okay thinking I must be busy, but the disappointment I can still feel now. It was about a month after she died that I finally listened and had a cry. I am mad at myself that I didn’t take that 7 minutes to listen to the song with her. It might of helped her process dying and help me in my process too.
The little moments as well as big memories such as holidays, vacations, and milestones. Take photos of it all. Write down your memories and stories. They will mean everything after your person isn’t here anymore.
Link to video of Heart singing Stairway to Heaven at the Kennedy Center.
