Movies
Today’s moment that sent me into tears…
Michaela and I enjoyed movies. We have a ton of DVD’s. When Vudu came out, we started gathering movies there. It is where we ended up watching the majority of our movies. We also had some of our favorite TV shows bundled there too. I have been able to watch some without any tears or even just a few tears. Some even come with good memories. Other movies, such as Star Wars and Harry Potter, I haven’t been able to even open. I just scroll on by as I know I won’t be able to watch them without a gigantic bucket full of messy ugly tears.
Right now I have a migraine cycle hitting me, but thought I would put something on low as the silence in the house is a little too much today. Maybe that is a clue. My clue that today would have been one of those days with tears. Today just scrolling through the list of movies made me cry.
Michaela hadn’t watched many old movies like North by Northwest or Casablanca. It became one of our things to watch old movies. We went to see North by Northwest on a Tuesday night movie and dinner that a downtown theater sponsored. Every Tuesday night Avalon theater allow 2 people to come in and see an older movie with one receipt from a downtown business for free. Years ago it was a restaurant, but now they have opened it up for any downtown business receipt.
It was such a fun night when we went to see North by Northwest. It was snowing like crazy, but we decided to go out anyway. Many places were closing because of the snow. We ended up picking a place right near the theater, but still had to clomp through the snow to the theater after dinner. We laughed as we walked in the snow. Michaela loved the movie. I knew she would like Hitchcock movies. After that I checked out Hitchcock movies from the library and soon after we were adding them to our movie collection as she loved them. Whenever we wanted to watch a movie, but didn’t know what exactly to watch we inevitably ended up with an oldie. Casablanca, Dial M for Murder, Charade, The Maltese Falcon or another.
A month or so ago, the newest Jumanji with the Rock came out. The Robin Williams one as well as the remake with the Rock and Jack Black, Michaela loved and watched over and over. She watched the one with the Rock and Jack Black shortly before she died. You would think seeing the sequel to it show up on Starz would send me into bucket load of tears. Instead I just made me a little teary and I had good feelings of how much she loved it. I ended up watching it and the sequel right away. Teary, but not crying. I remembered her laughter during it and could see the places she would have laughed in the sequel and it made my heart happy.
I can watch those movies, but Star Wars and Harry Potter series, two of our favorites, I can’t watch yet. I can barely see the names of them on the screen without crying.
John Wick was the last movie she watched the day before she died. I have never seen the John Wick movies. We talked about it. She had just told me she didn’t want to die, she couldn’t form words and sentences easily so sentences and conversations were short. After she told me she didn’t want to die, she said, “let’s just watch the movie.” I said I have never seen the John Wick movies all the way through. She told me “we should do that.” At Christmas those movies were on sale on Vudu and I almost bought them. Again though not sure they are movies I will enjoy - not my genre of movies I enjoy especially, but also even if I feel like I want to see them, I know they will upset me because of our conversation about them.
Today I wanted to watch something and all the movies I scrolled past made me cry. Movies I never liked, but own and won’t ever be watched again even though they are a part of our collection. They send me into tears because she liked them such as all the Quentin Tarantino movies and a genre I don’t especially enjoy, but Michaela loved Tarantino movies. Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, and Reservoir Dogs were her favorites, but I think she owned all of his movies. (I looked up the movies to make sure I got the name right on Reservoir Dogs and saw that there is going to be a Kill Bill 3 which sent me into tears too.)
So will I ever want or be able to watch those movies as well as our favorites? North by Northwest, Star Wars, Harry Potter, or the Marvel movies? Will any of them be something I truly want to watch again?
