Brain Fog

In therapy yesterday, I was talking about how most days since my love died, I walk around in a fog. I have brain fog where I will be in the middle of something and zone out and come back washing dishes or sitting on the edge of the bed, but I don’t remember how long I have been there doing those things. I also have told friends I will do something for them, then forget. I have forgotten appointments until my reminders pop and tell me. Most days, I am just doing the essentials. I get out of bed, take a shower, brush my teeth, cook, maybe do dishes or laundry or some other basic chore, and then I am done for the day. It is hard to function beyond that right now.

I was doing the “I should” in therapy yesterday and my therapist asked me why. I said I should get something changed to my name. The list of that kind of stuff is never ending. She asked me why I felt I needed to do it right now. She said what says I need to right now. I am paying the bill, but honestly it doesn’t need to be changed right this instant. It has waited 8 months and it is okay to keep on paying it under Michaela’s name.

Everyday is hard with grief. Everything feels like a giant hurdle. Everything overwhelms and exhausts my already exhausted and overwhelmed body and brain. So trying to allow myself some grace to go at the pace that feels right for me.