DaVinci

Today’s “Fuck You” moment.  Fucking cancer and grief.  Wendy was watching YouTube videos and a commercial came on. I was standing up about to walk to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, but as soon as the commercial started, I turned and yelled “Fuck you” at the TV. The commercial that started playing was for DaVinci medical robots.

Now I am sure they are amazing and do amazing things for the medical field. Really my anger was being taken out on the commercial when it really is meant for Michaela’s doctor.

Michaela had a good friend who had the same type of cancer. She advised Michaela to not do it the way the doctor wanted which is with the robot. She explained that she was a part of some groups that focus on this type of cancer and everyone that had their surgery done with the robots died within 4 years.  And of course Michaela ended up falling into that category as our doctor assured us that wasn’t true.

The reason I know that it was a DaVinci medical robot that worked on Michaela is because Michaela was a big nerd. So am I so just another reason we worked well together.  Anyway before her initial surgery for her first course of cancer she asked the surgery nurse if the robot had a name. She said, “no, but we do call it DaVinci as that is the brand name.” Michaela thought it was cool that they call the robot DaVinci.  So when she would tell people after the surgery she told them DaVinci operated on her.

That name though created a visceral reaction for me when I heard that commercial. Anger just bubbled up and tears started flowing. It shows me that I still have so much anger to process, but at the same time, I know that I could work through that and still have felt some anger when hearing that commercial. Grief is a never ending process.