Warning this is a hard post that I feel needs trigger warning, but I am not sure which ones. Talking about end of life. Four years ago yesterday, Michaela and I sat in her oncologists office and were told that the main spot of cancer was shrinking.

I think the DMV gets a bad wrap. Just like attorneys often get a bad wrap. Not every DMV employee is horrible. Not every attorney is a horrible person.

I made a trip to the ER recently. I am fine. I strained the Achilles tendon falling down my front porch stairs. I am feeling fine now. The trip to the ER though was waves of grief hitting.

I was standing up about to walk to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, but as soon as the commercial started, I turned and yelled “Fuck you” at the TV. The commercial that started playing was for DaVinci medical robots.

It is so weird when things feel like now is the time. I have emotions with those things still, but up until this moment in time I hadn’t been able to face the emotions.

It was one year ago today that Michaela had her first appointment with Dr. G.

Michael had a check in with Dr. G yesterday. Before the second infusion, Michael had blood tests. They came back better.

We have to laugh. We have to find moments that make us laugh. Even if it is jokes only we get.

Grand Valley Oncology is phenomenal. M and I have never had such positive medical experience.

Michael is right he has shy veins. The first infusion it took the nurse a few times to get one. Yesterday’s labs, the nurse found one, but it didn’t want to keep going to fill all the tubes.

I am sorry I've been quiet on here so far. Ever since that first treatment it has been an uphill/downhill battle in just understanding what was happening to me after my first treatment.

We all know someone who has had cancer and heard them say, “there are good days and bad days.” Now I know what that means on a personal level.

This is the names of the infusions and chemo drug Michael is taking. Both go by their trade names. The infusion goes by Keytruda. The pill Michael takes is Inylta.

We had an appointment with Michael’s oncologist today. Basically just a follow up to see how the first infusion went.

We held our breath as the results were being discussed. Soon after that breath became a moment of loss. Shocked set in

Back in early September I got a flu like bug. I treated it as best I could but I wasn’t getting better.

Michael has cancer. Michael has cancer again. I am not even sure I know what to do with those statements. He turns 50 tomorrow and has cancer.