Dancing

Recently I started listening to a podcast called Rewatcher. It is about the popular late 90’s tv series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I loved that series and hadn’t watched it in years so with the podcast discussing it, I decided I needed to watch the series again.

I am not watching along week by week with the Rewatcher podcast, but instead binge watching the episodes. I  ended season 3 yesterday.  One of the episodes towards the end of season 3 is the prom episode. That episode made me cry when I watched it originally, but it made me cry again yesterday for different reasons.

When Michaela and I first got together, Buffy was on its final season. I would wait each week for the new episode to come out.  She had never seen Buffy at all before me, but she would make sure I was sat in front of the tv each week to see the new episode uninterrupted just because she knew how much I loved the show.

After the series ended and the complete Buffy series came out on DVD, Michaela bought it for me so that we could watch them together. She loved it as much as I did.

When the episode for the prom came on and Angel and Buffy start dancing, M pulled me up off the couch and asked me to dance. We danced with Angel and Buffy. Now whenever I hear that song, I think of that moment.

Of course when I watched the episode yesterday, I remembered us dancing. I remembered her hand in mine and her arm around my waist. I remember my head on her shoulder and us dancing to the music. Tears started to flow.  I am so grateful she did those type of loving gestures that created such beautiful memories. It also always makes me sad that those memories are finite as we aren’t able to continue making them. It is a double hit to emotions and grief.

The asking me to dance during that moment was such a Michaela thing. We danced in the grocery store once as Garth Brook’s the Dance came on as it was her favorite song. It was late at night and the store was quiet so she could hear the music and grabbed my hand and pulled me close to dance right there in the condiment aisle.

We danced under the stars at our spot. We danced with no music, but the sound of a waterfall. We danced in the kitchen as she made brunch and the Rat Pack sang a Christmas song.

I miss dancing with my beloved. Our relationship was beautiful because we created these moments that I will hang on to forever.

(Image from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)