The Bowl

It is so weird when things feel like NOW is the time. I have emotions with those things still, but up until this moment in time I hadn’t been able to face the emotions. There has been a bowl on the counter that had all M’s meds in it - chemo pills, anti-nausea, pain pills, antidepressants, and a couple others. Plus it had ids, lotions specifically made for those with cancer, thermometer, oximeter, earrings she took out towards the end and tossed in there while I fished out her meds, and a couple other little things.

That bowl has set at the end of a counter top for over 2 years. Since ML died, I haven’t touched. You can see the dust on it in the photo. I wiped the counter around it, but didn’t place a hand on it to move - until today.

I was sitting looking at after moving things to get ready for a new fridge and dishwasher and suddenly decided today was the day. I went through it. I cried, but it is now empty. Placed it right back on the counter and possibly will be collecting things by the end of the day.

Always will be her bowl. We bought it on a trip. I see it and think of her. Not that it takes much for me to think of her, but I remember her being sick and maybe that isn’t something that I should want to have sitting around. I do wonder though if it will eventually bring the trip we bought on up instead of it being her cancer medicine bowl. So keeping it on the counter. I know I will never forget the cancer being part of her life - our lives. I just know she is much more than the cancer and it was time to clean out the bowl of the meds and other miscellaneous items associated with it.

It is her bowl. Sitting on the counter. From now until most likely the rest of my days.