My emotions are completely overflowing. My sadness is deep and my anger is fierce right now. My love of her is fierce too.

I am pissed tonight. Just filled with anger. Such deep anger. Anger that my love is gone. Anger that we won’t get to share all the moments of life has to offer.

Jada talks about her relationship with Tu’pac. Her Mom mentions that he was changing and having some big changes. It instantly made think of my love.

When I saw them wheel it out of the truck, I had a few choice words for myself about my late night, grief induced, retail therapy purchase

I have noticed a pattern in my life. When my Uncle died years ago, I journaled quite often after, and then it just stopped for a long long time. When I grieved a loss of a friend, I was art journaling daily.

I posted this last year on Facebook right about the time Michaela started to get sick and we didn’t know what was going on. Cancer takes so much from living life in the now.

Journaling my grief out. Trying to be brave. Gave her that ceramic word brave for her pocket during immunotherapy treatments.

Big thanks to Wendy and Maranee for helping me get past a huge grief hurdle today. I had some things to move and then this cart for art supplies that needed put together.

Bittersweet feelings seeing this come up. Michaela and I would have been planning time to go see it.

Days after Michaela died, I started to formulate what I wanted to do for the staff at the oncology. They all played such an important part of our lives the last 7 months of her life. They often went above and beyond to help us find better, easier solutions.

I started this website, because I write every day to process my grief. I wanted a place where I can share these thoughts and experiences.

I can’t tell you when the last time I touched the Canon Rebel camera. It was M’s camera, but I used it every so often.

Grieving in so many ways. Using this journal that reminded me of Michaela for writing out my grief as well as love letters to her which is part of my grief journey too.

Never know when things will remind me of Michaela. She sends me things to show me she is here with me.

grief is like a pebble in my shoe

I don’t want to forget you. I hope my breaking heart can sustain our love and memories.

It has been a month without you. I thought of you today and yesterday.

Last week was paperwork upon paperwork. I was cussing and feeling anger at myself and Michaela for not knowing enough about the actual paperwork end of her business.

It is the last card I gave her. Then I went to my nightstand and pulled out a stack of cards I intended to give her.